I sat here on a bench yesterday for 4 hours trying to quiet the anxiety I had after 2 nights insomnia. It partially worked. I think the anxiety is being caused by the stress of having to work (and not doing great), the stress of having to write (and not knowing where to start) and the usual suspects. I came home and tried to avoid going to the gym but pushed myself and met Joseph, the recovering alcoholic etc. Joseph is loud and brash and I am his new best friend. Suddenly he says to me, “I’ve got this mate, he’s a real business head, into process for everything, you know, he says, ‘if you have a dissertation to write, say 10,000 to 15,000 words and no chance of knowing how to start, just fuckin write any old shite, 150 words, 250 words, just start – a little a day’, that’s his philosophy”.
I looked at Joseph gobsmacked. So I started today (writing). After the gym I had a shower and the anxiety was gone. Back slightly today.
Last night I was watching Pine Gap on Netflix and in one episode this girl goes to her doctor complaining she can’t sleep at all. He says that almost inevitably, insomnia is caused by stress – deal with the stress first. I am gobsmacked again.
So today I wrote 1,000 words so far – not Joyce, but at least words, and the Universe is speaking to me.